all your friends are getting married, you've got to rent a tux or buy a dress, so thank god you can at least enjoy the fancy food and liquor. right? if your friends have chosen to build a wedding cake out of fondant-wrapped twinkies, you may as well just swallow some sealing wax and food coloring and return the dress. don't forget to buy some cheap champagne and custom-printed m&m's while you're out. maybe take a glamour-shot, too.
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